Lets Take It Back
by salidagirl
Summary: Jude made her decision, choosing between the two men that meant the most to her in the world, and she didn't look back. When she accidentally stumbles across something unexpected on the day of her 21st birthday, she finds her whole life has changed, leading her to question that one decision, two and a half years before. Takes place after season three.
1. Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

**So, I was going through my DVD's the other day and found the Instant Star seasons, and decided to have a little viewing marathon, basking in the nostalgia of my long lost love for the show. While I was watching, I got to thinking about all of the writing I used to do, most of which sat unfinished on my computer. I started reading through the unfinished fanfics and I found this one. I'd written a few chapters and I think I even posted some of them on another site. Anyways, it sparked my interest and I reread the chapters, deciding to make some edits and post it up, just to see where it goes. If it seems like there is any interest in IS anymore, I'll keep posting. I miss writing these things! Its a nice change from work/school.**

**Obviously I don't own Instant Star or any of the characters associated with it. This story and the song lyrics contained in it are another story. They are my own creation, and I hope you like it! As a side note, I'm sure that you will quickly come to realize that my writing style tends to lead to lots of short chapters rather than long ones. When I started writing, I thought short chapters were more manageable, allowing me to update more often. They may get longer at she fic goes on, we'll see.**

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The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

_I wonder in this moment how much of it was really a lie. It couldn't have been a sham from the beginning, could it? I thought I knew everything about him. What he was thinking about when he was all alone, the songs he sang along to, the way his eyes darkened when he was hurt. I did know everything about him. How then is it that I know absolutely nothing about the person he is?_

Jude sat on the couch in her empty home, staring blankly at the white wall in front of her. She caught sight of the wedding picture hanging in a delicate silver frame. _Was he lying, even then? Was the truth in the back of his mind as he stood in front of me, pledging his life and love to me alone?_ She counted back the months carefully, hoping that she could somehow fit an eleven month old baby into a six month marriage. As expected, she just succeeded in making the truth painfully obvious to herself. Not only was her entire marriage a lie, but the engagement, and for that matter, over half of the time that they had been dating. He'd been carrying around a secret that changed everything.

A moment later, the contents of the folder that had been sitting in her lap were spread across the floor and an expensive crystal figurine was flying through the air, heading directly toward the silver framed picture on the wall. The figurine collided with the photograph, emitting an earth shattering crash, the remains of which fell to the ground in a shower of crystal rain. Jude stood perfectly still, looking at it bitterly. _It was a present from my lying husband. _ She bent down, gathering up the papers that had scattered on the floor, sliding them gently back into the folder. Grabbing her keys, she stomped toward the door, slamming it behind her. She left the broken crystal on the floor and headed for the studio.

As she drove, Jude's mind was cycling through the last six days. She couldn't think of it in terms of the six days it had been since she turned twenty-one. Instead she thought back on the six days it had been since she had found out her husband was a leading a double life. Six days since her entire world had burst into flames.

Jude found the picture on her birthday. _What a wonderful birthday gift._ Jude thought cynically. It had been buried deep in the breast pocket of his favorite black suit. Jude had been rushing around, gathering up the laundry to be sent out for dry cleaning when she found it. To a stranger, there was nothing unusually spectacular about the picture; just a young family smiling nervously for the camera. It was the kind of family picture that you sent out with your Christmas cards, but Jude's heart stopped when she saw it. Smiling back at her was her very own husband, his arms wrapped around a thin woman who in turn had her arms wrapped around a baby. Jude read the words printed across the bottom of the picture.

_Happy Holidays from the Andrews Family!_

An hour later Jude found herself knocking on the door of a private investigator. She had driven across town, parking in what seemed like a slightly shady area before struggling to find a poorly marked group of offices on the ground floor of an old residential building. Inside there was a dimly lit and narrow hallway. The third door on the left had a frosted glass window, the black lettering on the glass denoting that it was the office of Detective Charles Avery. He was known for his good results, and his discretion. Jude stood uncomfortably, shifting her weight as she waited for the door to open. When it did, it revealed a slightly overweight middle aged man. He extended his hand cordially, looking Jude up and down as he did so. She was dressed simply, in straight legged jeans and a white top. Her dark sunglasses were her only defense against recognition.

"Mrs. Andrews I presume." The detective said quietly, ushering her into the office before closing the door firmly behind her. Jude visibly winced at the use of her last name and couldn't help but think about the woman in the picture. _Do strangers call her Mrs. Andrews as well?_ Swallowing the bitter taste that was rising in her throat, Jude willed herself to stay calm and hold it together. Glancing up at the detective, she couldn't bring herself to even fake a polite smile.

"Jude is fine." She said, hoping silently that he would never call her by her last name again. The detective nodded, making a mental note. He pointed toward a comfortable looking chair facing his desk and Jude sat down. He walked around the desk, sitting down himself and pulling out a small pad of paper.

"Very well, Jude, I'm Detective Avery. You seemed a little worked up on the phone, what can I do for you?" He leaned back in his chair as she pulled out a folder of papers. Handing it to him, she took a deep breath.

"I need you to find out everything you can about my husband's connection with this woman." Jude held up the picture she had found in Jamie's suit. The detective nodded, taking the picture and the folder containing all of the pertinent information that Avery would need on Jamie. "I have absolutely no information about the woman, but I'm hoping that you can find out who she is."

"I'll be in touch with you by the end of the week. Hopefully we will have found something by then." The detective said. He turned away from Jude, shaking the mouse of his computer and silently signaling that the meeting was over. There wasn't anything else to say at this point, and he was itching to start his hunt, a feeling he got every time he got a new case. Jude stood up quietly, suddenly terrified of what Detective Avery might find. Suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Jude shivered, shaking her head as she tried to physically dislodge the thoughts from her mind. The detective had kept his word, because here she was, six days later, in possession of the file containing everything she had never wanted to know about her beloved husband. It was a thick file, apparently the detective didn't have much trouble tracking down the information she needed. When he had slid it across the desk, she thought it must be a mistake. How could a complete stranger dig up that much unknown information on the man she was married to?

She pulled into the parking lot of the studio, shifting the car into park but leaving it running. She leaned back into the seat, hoping to clear her mind and pull herself together enough to make it through the next few hours. It was moments like this, when she was alone and it was quiet that her mind drifted to Tommy. It had been two and a half years since the last time she had seen him, and in that time, she had tried not the think of him. She had locked him deep within her heart, doing her best to keep the emotions buried deep down. _I made my choice, for better or for worse, I don't have the right to miss him now._

Still, she found herself sharing certain moments with his memory. Things that she felt should have been his to share with her. The night she won her first Grammy, tearing up as she gave her acceptance speech, knowing the person she really needed to thank wasn't there. He was there in her heart the day she finished her fourth album, an album filled with heart wrenching songs of love and loss, all about him. And now, he was there again, the day she realized she had made the wrong choice on that fateful day two and a half years ago. _I wish you were here to hold me, tell me things will be alright._ She thought silently as she blinked back the tears in her eyes. She picked up her cell phone and scrolled silently through the contacts.

She stopped scrolling when she reached Tommy's name, staring at the picture and considering momentarily the thought of calling him up after all of this time. She laughed humorlessly at herself, knowing that the number saved in her phone would not connect her to Tommy. It had long since been disconnected. _I wouldn't even know where to find you._ Jude thought sadly. Quickly, she dialed another number, lifting it to her ear as it connected.

"Detective Avery, this is Jude. Thank you for all the hard work you've done for me so far. I have another job. I need you to find out everything you can about the whereabouts of Thomas Quincy"


	2. Confessional Booth

Chapter 2 – Confessional Booth

Jude walked quietly through the doors of the studio. The calm composed look on her face did not betray the storm that was brewing within her body. She was on a mission. She planned to confront her lying husband, the incriminating evidence hugged tightly against her body. Walking quickly through the lobby, she made a beeline for Jamie's office, ignoring the polite hellos from the receptionist and a few of the artists signed to the label. Placing her hand on the doorknob of his office door, it all came to the surface. Jude felt the anger in her start to boil, driving her to twist the doorknob and throw the door opening, not caring if she was interrupting.

"Jamie we need to-" Jude stopped short when she realized she was talking to an empty office, the desk looking as if it hadn't been touched all day. Jude stood in the door, staring dumbly for a moment, allowing her failed attempt at a confrontation to add to her anger. "Where in the hell is he?" Jude muttered to herself, pulling the door shut with a little more force than necessary. She glance quickly around, not noticing the way everyone looked away quickly, suddenly very occupied with whatever they were doing. Not seeing him in any of the usual places, she decided to go directly to the one person who would know.

Jude took a moment to calm her nerves, taking a deep breath, before she knocked gently on Pagan's office door. Hearing a muffled response from within, Jude pushed the door open and stepped through the door way. He was shuffling papers around on his hopelessly disorganized desk, looking about as lost as Jude felt.

"Jude, Love! I wasn't expecting you to come in today. How are you?" Pagan said, standing up and making his way toward Jude. He was happy to have an excuse to ignore the paperwork, it never was his forte. Jude smiled weakly as Pagan kissed her on the cheek, feeling her anger dissipate under the gaze of Pagan's friendly eyes.

"I'm alright, just looking for Jamie. Do you know when he will be back?" Jude glanced down at the floor momentarily, wondering if Pagan knew. _What if everyone knows? What if I was the only one too blind to see?_ She glanced back up, pushing the thought from her mind and covering it with another sad smile.

"Not for two weeks at least my dear, he is down in Los Angeles taking care of some business at our U.S. office." The anger flashed momentarily in Jude's eyes as she thought about what else he was taking care of in Los Angeles. Pagan noticed the darkening of her eyes, and put a hand on her shoulder. "He forgot to tell you?" He sighed heavily, shaking his head slightly. "The boy has become so scattered lately. Try not to be too mad at him. He's just trying to make everything work." Jude nodded, cringing on the inside at Pagan's words. _You have no idea everything he is 'making work.'_

Jude leaned against the door of the rehearsal space, sliding down the cool metal until she connected with the ground. Letting out a sigh she fought back tears. _What do I do now? Should I call him and confront him?_ Jude shook her head as soon as she thought it. This wasn't the kind of thing that you just casually mention over the phone. _Should I fly down there?_ The thought of showing up and possibly finding Jamie with her in Los Angeles seemed horrifying. She didn't want to see her, and she didn't know what she would do if she did. Jude got up and started to pace.

"I don't even know what I would say." Jude said out loud to the empty room. "What do you say to your husband when you find out he's got another wife?" As the thought echoed in her mind, she felt her balance falter and she searched for something to sit down on. She connected with the couch, sinking into the tattered fabric. She felt a safe familiarity surround her as she laid her head down, succumbing to the emotional exhaustion that had been weighing on her. She closed her eyes slowly, finally allowing herself to sleep.

"Dude wake up" Jude jumped as a hand gripped her shoulder, shaking it. Her eyes flew open as she tried to place the voice. She sat up slowly groaning at the splitting headache that was leftover from her emotional breakdown. Disoriented, she tried to focus her eyes on the person in front of her, whose hand still rested on her shoulder.

"Speid?" Jude said, looking confused, trying to figure out what he was doing in her house. It took a second to realize they weren't in her house, and she struggled through her grogginess to remember how she ended up asleep at the rehearsal space. She didn't get long to contemplate the question before Spied echoed it out loud.

"Sleeping on the couch Jude? Is there trouble at la casa de Andrews?" It was clear from the tone of his voice that Speid was only kidding, but the reality stung Jude and she turned her head away to hide the cringe that she couldn't keep off of her face. Speid felt her shoulders tighten and the smile fell off of his face. "What is it Jude?" Speid gently turned her face toward him, lifting her chin so that she was looking at him. He noticed the tears about to fall. "What happened, Jude?"

"He's, I mean he's got," Jude said, stumbling over her words. The look in her eyes was something in between sadness and desperation. "Oh Speid, how did this happen?" Jude cried, burying her head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer.

"What happened?" Speid said again, his mind racing through the possibilities. Jude rarely broke down like this, so he knew it had to be bad. "Did he cheat on you Jude?" His fists clinched involuntarily at the thought. _I'll kill him for hurting her_. Jude took in a ragged, shaky breath, trying unsuccessfully to calm herself. She looked up pitifully at him.

"He's got another wife Speid." Jude's voice cracked and broke as she said it, and Speid's face went pale. Of all the things that had run through his mind, the word wife was not included. Dozens of questions raced through his mind, but he couldn't bear to ask them, so he just held Jude tighter and let her cry on his shoulder, silently vowing to get to the bottom of this, hopefully without ending up in jail for murder.

Jude sat silently next to Speid, as he gingerly held the ominous folder between his fingertips. Once she had cried herself out, Speid had made coffee and when she seemed a little less shaky, he asked her what had happened. Jude told him about the picture and the detective, but she couldn't bear to relate all of the details aloud, so she had simply handed him the file. She watched him as he slowly read over everything that the detective had compiled. When he was finished, he closed the folder and sat back, allowing it all to sink in. Jamie was married. Not only was he married to Jude, he was married to a woman in California. He had a house, a bank account, and approximately two million in assets held jointly with this woman. He had a child. He was living a double life.

After several long minutes, Jude couldn't bear the silence any longer. She started talking, partially to Speid, partially to herself. "I keep asking myself how I went so long without any idea. How do you hide something like this?" Jude sighed, shaking her head sadly. She looked into Speid's eyes and asked the question that was haunting her. "Was I the only one who didn't know?"

"No." Speid said, his voice swelling with a ferocious conviction. "If anyone had known, there is no way you would have married the bastard. I would have told you, and I think that anyone else who even claims to care about you would have done the same. He fooled us all Jude." Jude nodded, feeling both relief and pain. It helped to know that she wasn't alone in her ignorance, but somehow knowing he had lied to everyone just made it seem so much bigger, and so much worse.

"My entire life is a lie." Jude said quietly. The emotion was gone from her voice, and a numbness had begun to set in. She glanced up from her cold coffee and sighed. "What do I do now?"


	3. Nowhere and Everywhere

Chapter 3 – Nowhere and Everywhere

"Thanks for letting me stay with you Speid. I can't stay in that house, it hurts too much." Jude was standing in the doorway of Speid's loft, a suitcase in her hand. Truth was, staying in her empty suburban house made her think of the life she had chosen, and the one she could have had if she had made a different choice. It made her think of Tommy. She wondered where he might be, how he was doing, and if she ever crossed his mind. All of this reminded her that it had been a week and there was still no word from Detective Avery.

"I wouldn't have it any other way Jude. I'd rather you be here when Jamie gets back anyway. I don't want him anywhere near you." He felt extremely protective of Jude these days, knowing that there were very few other people that she could turn to. He knew she hadn't gotten up the courage to tell anyone what she knew. He didn't blame her. "Besides, since Karma left on her world tour, the place has been pretty empty. Just me and that annoying rat of a dog." Jude smiled weakly. If it hadn't been for Speid, Jude would have gone off the deep end. Carrying around the knowledge that your husband had another wife was overwhelming. The only thing that would be worse was when the press got wind of it. It would be a dream come true for the gossip rag reporter that uncovered this story.

If there was one thing Jude had learned in the past two and a half years, it was how to keep herself out of the press. After her scandal ridden teen years, Jude had vowed to clean up her act. No more public fights or wardrobe malfunctions. Marrying Jamie helped her do that. It took her off of the scandal sheet and put her onto the list of sensible celebrities. Her success kept the reporters on the prowl, but they rarely found anything to print. Her life had become pretty safe and completely void of the irrational passion that had dominated the time she had spent with Tommy. _It's what I wanted._ She would remind herself, each time Jamie kissed her on the cheek instead of the mouth.

"You look a little lost Jude. You want to talk about it?" Jude glanced up, having forgotten for a moment that she was still standing in the doorway, Speid waiting for her to come in so he could close the door. She'd been thinking about one of a million scenarios that had crossed her mind in regards to the reaction of the press. She leaned against the wall and sighed

"I don't know Speid, I just keep going over it in my mind what is going to happen when this whole thing hits the fan. Since Tommy left, I've dedicated myself to staying out of the tabloids. I've created an image for myself that doesn't include love triangles or clandestine affairs, much less Jamie's double life. What's going to happen to that after Jamie comes home?" Jude sank into one an oversized chair, letting out a deep sigh as she did.

"Nothing has to happen to that Jude. Just leave the tabloids out of it. This is between you and Jamie." Speid said, sitting down across from her and leaning forward. He rested his elbows on his knees, looking toward Jude as the scenarios ran through his head as well. If it did come out, they both knew it wouldn't be pretty.

"I wish it was that easy Speid, I really do. But how do you hide something like this? How do you keep it from being discovered by people who make a living uncovering scandals?" Jude shook her head, copying Speiderman's pose. She put her head down, staring at the carpet underneath her feet. She could already imagine the reporters camping out on her lawn, shoving cameras in her face, and digging up every questionable picture from her past.

"Maybe we should ask Jamie. He seems to be doing a great job of it." Speid said sarcastically. Jude shook her head, but couldn't smile at the irony. It was still too painful.

"Its not really even the sensible Jude image that I am worried about ruining. I wake up every day with the thought of doing something crazy, shaving my head getting arrested, just to prove to myself that I haven't lost the feisty redhead that I used to be." She smiled a weak smile at the memories.

"You haven't lost that girl Jude. She's just been too busy playing house to remember her rock star side. We'll just have to vandalize some billboards or something. Then she'll come out of hiding." Jude smiled a real smile this time, the first one in what felt like forever. It faded quickly, bringing her out of her past and back into the present.

"I just don't want to be that girl that the whole world looks at and says 'poor girl.' I don't want to hear the whispers as I walk by. Jude's voice slipped into a stage whisper as she said, "Did you hear that her husband was having an affair? No, he was married to the other girl, an American from what I understand. Poor thing, she must be crushed. Can you imagine what that is going to be like Speid? How am I supposed to do that?" She looked up, her eyes looking helpless and lost.

"I don't know Jude, I don't know."

"Jude, I wish I could tell you that I had more for you, but I've simply run out of leads." Detective Avery slid the cream folder towards Jude, who eyed it cautiously. It seemed awfully thin. She opened it, paging through the sparse material that Detective Avery had been able to compile on Tommy. Jude wondered why she had come. _Because I couldn't help myself_. She thought. Three more days had passed without any word, and Jude had given in and called the detective. Now she was sitting in his office glancing at a picture of Tommy that was at least two years old.

"Did you try his real last name? DuTois? He might be going by it if he wants to stay anonymous." Jude was clinging to the hope that Detective Avery had just overlooked something.

"Of course. I've tried every name that he has gone by over the course of his career." Jude nods imperceptibly, knowing that he had.

"How far were you able to trace him?" Jude asked, feeling her heart sink slowly as she resigned herself to the fact that she would probably never see him again. She had already checked with Kwest and all of his old industry buddies. Nobody had seen or heard from him since he left for Thailand. If she couldn't track him down and the detective couldn't find him, what else was left to do?

"We were able to track him for about six months. We traced his credit card activity from Toronto to Thailand and then to China. From there we were able to flag his passport, which he used when he flew from Hong Kong to Mexico City. After that, the trail runs completely dry. No credit cards, no passport, nothing. It's like he just disappeared." Jude's eyes began to fill with tears, threatening to spill over. She blinked them back as she closed the file, she didn't want to see his haunting blue eyes staring up at her from the picture. Detective Avery's eyes softened as he saw Jude struggling to maintain her composure. "I'm not giving up Jude, and neither should you. We'll keep digging until we find something. It's only a matter of time."

Jude closed the door to the rehearsal space, collapsing against it as she heard it click. She slid down, pulling her knees to her chest when she reached the ground. The metal was cold through the thin fabric of her shirt, but she hardly noticed. Glancing around the room, she saw Tommy's memory in every corner. Sitting at the piano, having a picnic on the floor, laying upside down on the couch. He was everywhere and nowhere all at once. She closed here eyes and tried to fill her head with music, hoping to drown out the sound of his voice as he said goodbye. Every song that filled her mind contained him.

Opening her eyes, she glanced at the guitar resting in the far corner of the room. She hadn't touched it in months. After her fourth album had dropped, she had gone on hiatus, claiming to want to work more on producing. Truth was that she had no desire to write anything. It takes emotion to make a good song, and Jude had forced herself to be emotionless. The barrier began to crumble as she stood up and crossed the room, reaching out for her forgotten friend.

Holding the guitar in her hands, she felt wave of emotion wash over her. Her fingers grazed the strings lightly, sending little clouds of dust into the air as the strings vibrated softly. It was out of tune. Adjusting the strings slightly, Jude smiled softly as a sweet sound escaped the guitar. She began to hum and play, finding a few chords that she liked. Slowly, the words came out, rearranging themselves as she strummed lightly. Two hours passed, and finally she looked up, facing the empty room with a new song. She played it, singing just loud enough to be heard by someone else, had there been anyone to hear it.

I'm playing songs for your memory  
Is this what I'm reduced to?  
Pretending I can take it back  
The day I walked away from you

The words fade in front of me  
Like the contours of your face  
Soon I'll need your picture  
To keep my memories in place

I'm caught up in this life  
Where I'm pretending to exist  
But disappearing like you did  
Is so hard to resist

Maybe then I'd find you  
In a place only we belong  
I'd glance into your crystal eyes  
And remember how to write a song

All the notes sound hollow  
When you're a million miles away  
If I thought that they could reach you  
I might convince myself to play

The acoustic is in the corner  
And the piano gathers dust  
My music starts to fade  
As my heart begins to rust

I'm caught up in this life  
Where I'm pretending to exist  
But disappearing like you did  
Is so hard to resist

Maybe then I'd find you  
In a place only we belong  
I'd glance into your crystal eyes  
And remember how to write a song

I wish I could remember  
How to write a song

The sound of the last note faded slowly as Jude finally stopped singing to the empty room. Sitting alone she wondered if anyone would ever hear it.


	4. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

**I'm glad to see that people are reading! This is the last full chapter I had saved on my computer, so I'm going to have to start writing again. I have a good portion of the next chapter done, so hopefully it won't take too long to finish. Let me know if you like it!**

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Chapter 4- Scenes from and Italian Restaurant

It was in a quiet cafe on the south side of town that the past and the future collided. To an onlooker, the collision was nothing more than the light brushing of two worlds against each other. A name spoken aloud, causing a head to turn. A baby's sweet smile over the shoulder of his mother and a flash of anger in blue eyes. There was nothing unusual about the moment. But that was just to an onlooker.

The cafe was known for having the best chai in town. So good in fact, that it had earned itself a number of regular customers. One of those daily customers was a dark haired man in his late twenties. Each morning found him sitting by the window, sipping his milky drink in silence. The waitresses and baristas had fawned over him for the first few weeks, falling victim to his piercing eyes, but their overly obvious flirting had no effect. Soon enough, they gave up, realizing that he was only interested in the tea and the newspapers he brought in with him each day. He read the papers slowly, starting with the music section. He also glanced through a few tabloids, only stopping to read the occasional headline. It was as though he were waiting for something to show up; something that never did.

The sun was weak but bright in the little cafe on the afternoon that this simple routine was shattered. Bells rattled against the glass door as it opened, granting access to a young family. The man by the window didn't bother looking up, he just continued reading the paper. A gust of wind closed the door behind them, rattling the bells extra hard, but still the man by the window didn't lift his eyes from the article he was reading.

"I don't know why you have to go back to Toronto so soon." The young woman said, her face forming a small pout. The family took their place in the line leading up to the counter. "Can't they hold things together without you for a little while longer? I mean you haven't even been home for two weeks yet." The thin brunette bent over the stroller she had been pushing and lifted her small child out of the seat. She turned to her husband with sad eyes, knowing even as she did, that he would leave again.

"I'm doing the best I can, Michelle, you know that. I'd love to stay longer, but I have... responsibilities in Toronto. I've made commitments and I can't just walk out on them; not now." There was a distant look in his eyes as he finished the sentence, but it went unnoticed.

"You've made commitments here too, Jamie. You've got a family that loves you and wants you around." He looked at the floor, listening to the lecture that he had heard each time he left. She was right, he needed to be there for his family, but things were never that easy. Misreading the look in her husband's eyes, she attempted to explain her frustration. "I know that owning your own record company is a lot of responsibility, and taking that on at your age is amazing, but you've got to find a balance. That's why you have a partner. Maybe you should talk to Pagan about handling the Toronto branch himself. You can focus on developing the company here in Los Angeles and still be home for dinner every night."

Nobody noticed the man by the window sit up straighter in his chair. He had yet to look up from the article that he was reading, but his posture had changed. His shoulders were rigid, and his jaw was tight. Without his realizing it, bits and pieces of the conversation had drifted in his direction, catching his attention. _Toronto. Jamie_. He shook his head slightly to rid himself of the thought. It was a coincidence, it had to be. He struggled to find his place in the article he was reading. _Toronto is a big city_. he reminded himself. _There are plenty of people named Jamie_. But he continued to listen subconsciously while staring blankly at the article he was attempting to finish. _Record company. Pagan._ Now his skin prickled. His eyesight blurred as his fingers tightened around the glass in his hand. Something wasn't right.

Finally, the man at the window looked up from the newspaper and caught his first glimpse of the young couple. She was a pretty brunette woman, thin and willowy, holding a baby on her hip. His eyes traveled from the woman to her husband, just as he turned around to face her. In a fraction of a second, time seemed to stop moving as the man in the corner felt the simple life he had created for himself crash to the ground, being replaced with the memories of another world. His blood ran cold.

Jamie glanced down at his wife, seeing the heartbreak in her eyes. He knew there were no words that could cure her disappointment over his leaving, so he just hugged her softly. "I'm sure I can push things back a few more day, stay until the end of the week." He sighed, turning back toward the counter, placing the order for the whole family. Turning around, he scanned the café for a place to sit. Noticing an empty table by the window, Jamie led his family over to the cozy table. Reaching down, he cleared the abandoned paper off of the surface. He glanced down casually at the page it had been left on and stopped dead in his tracks. Staring up at him was a picture of Jude, next to an article entitled 'Have we heard our last song from Jude?' Jamie quickly hid the flustered look on his face, tossing the paper face down onto another table. The bells on the door rang softly, announcing the exit of another café patron, Jamie never bothered to look up.

Outside the door, the man who had just exited glanced back at the café, seeing the small family sitting at the table he had just occupied a few moments before. Pulling out his phone, the man crossed the street, quickly disappearing around a corner. He dialed a number from memory and waited impatiently for an answer on the other end.

"Hey Marco," He said quickly into the phone, not betraying the emotion stirring in his body. "I'm not going to be in the office for a while." He waited for a response before divulging one last piece of information. "I've got to make a visit to Toronto."

_She's actually gone insane this time._ Speid thought to himself as he listened to the tail end of Jude's telephone conversation. She had just booked performance number five of the week. In addition to that, she had studio time set up with all of the artists she was producing, as well as her own studio session for the first time in months. She'd rearranged his kitchen, cleaned out the refrigerator and had taken up both baking and painting as hobbies. She was currently attempting to take a pie out of the oven while still holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder. Spied rushed to take the wobbling cookie sheet that held the pie pan out of her hand just before she dropped it.

"Thanks." Jude said, snapping the phone shut as she turned back toward the counter. "Now that the pie is done, I can take a whack at these cookies." She was already pulling out the ingredients, searching around for the right sized measuring cup. Speid put his arms on her shoulders, pulling her just for enough away from the counter to keep her from reaching the flour.

"Slow down there tiger, this isn't a bake-a-thon." Speid said, as he turned her around to face him. She squirmed in his grasp, impatient to get back to the task at hand. "You've been on the run all week, you aren't sleeping, and you've got a killer day set up for yourself tomorrow." His glance softened as he took in her agitated state. "You are running yourself ragged and I am worried about you." Jude broke the gaze between them, pulling away from his grasp. She sighed, sitting down at the table and resting her forehead on the cool surface. After a moment, she looked up at Speid.

"I'm staying busy. I need to stay busy." Jude said, her eyes pleading with him to understand. He sat down across from her as she put her head back down on the table. He looked helplessly at the curtain of blond hair that blocked her face from view.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, knowing that there was something particular on her mind. There were only a few things that Jude obsessed over to the point of insanity.

"I'm lost Speid." She glanced up at him, her eyes glistening, the unshed tears threatening to spill over. "I've made so many wrong choices and now I don't know who I am." Now that she had stopped moving, reality was crashing down on her in huge waves.

"You aren't lost Jude, you are right here. Behind all the pain and sadness, you're still there, the crazy girl who throws drumsticks at my head and shreds harder on a guitar than anyone I know. You are still my rock goddess." Jude shook her head slowly, hiding her face behind her hair again. Spied got up from his chair and rounded the table, kneeling in front of Jude.

"I can't find him Speid." Jude said quietly, mentioning him out loud for the first time. Speid looked sadly at her, knowing who she meant. "He's the only one who can fix the mistakes I've made."

"He's out there somewhere Jude, he'll turn up." He took her hands in his, wishing he could help her in some way. He knew her heart was broken, and he couldn't put it back together. The pieces belonged to someone else.

"I've looked everywhere Speid, I can't find him." She said, thinking of Detective Avery and the painfully thin folder that she had hidden in her guitar case. She finally cracked, letting the tears fall silently down her face, tracing a path from her eyes to her chin.

"Then maybe you have to wait for him to find you." Speid said sadly. He silently prayed that wherever Tommy was, he could somehow sense when Jude needed him most.


	5. Strangers in the Night

**Finally an update! Sorry its been so long, the new writing has turned out to take more time than I remembered. Anyways, hopefully I'll have another one soonish. **

**As always, I don't own Instant Star, or any of the characters... just this story, and these songs! **

**Enjoy! (hopefully)**

* * *

Chapter 5 – Strangers in the Night

Kwest sighed heavily as he pushed open the back door of G Major, another twelve hour day behind him. As he stepped out the door, he looked up at the dark sky above him. He tried to calculate the time, but the last hints of daylight had already receded past the outlines of the buildings, making it impossible to guess. He walked through the darkened alley toward his car. As he neared it, he noticed a hooded figure leaned up against the back of his Jeep. He slowed his walk, the hair on the back of his neck prickling as he sized up the situation. The hooded figure was leaning casually against the vehicle and was of average height and medium build. Kwest took another step and opened his mouth to tell the person to get away from his car when the man spoke.

"Kwest." He stopped short. Looking closer, he tried to put a face to the voice, knowing who it was yet not believing it. The man looked around for a moment before taking a step away from the jeep, into the streetlight and lowering his hood.

"Tommy." Kwest said. A mixture of relief and confusion. Tommy put his hood back up, walking away from the circle of light. Kwest followed, letting himself be led toward a small park. Sitting down on a bench, Tommy waited for Kwest to catch up. Once Kwest sat, Tommy launched right into conversation, not waiting a moment for Kwest to gather his thoughts.

"I'm looking for Jude." Tommy said. His eyes landed directly on Kwest's, showing the seriousness of his demeanor. Kwest stared back seriously for a moment before his expression shifted into incredulity.

"What in the hell, Tommy?" Kwest said, his head shaking as he said it. "You took off two and a half years ago, without a word to anybody, and now you show up acting all mysterious and asking about Jude?" He stopped, waiting for an answer.

"I just need to talk to Jude."

"And I need answers Tommy." Kwest said, throwing up his hands. "We used to be best friends. Talk to me." Kwest put his hand on Tommy's shoulder, trying to get him to open up a little bit. Tommy shook his hand off, turning away.

"Do you know where she is?" Tommy asked, trying his best to put up a cool exterior. Kwest stared back at him, waiting for Tommy to give in. "Look, I just need to talk to her. It's important."

"Where have you been Tommy?" Kwest asked. "It's been two and a half years. She's moved on, we've all moved on. Jude is married now; you can't just swoop in and shake up her life again. She's not sixteen anymore."

"You think I don't know that?" Tommy said, jumping up and turning around so that he was standing right in front of Kwest. "Why do you think I left? I didn't want to mess up anything for her. I left because of her. I came back because I had to, and I promise you Kwest, I'll only be here as long as it takes to talk to her." Tommy stopped as he realized what he had said. Kwest's face showed a slightly hurt look as he turned away from Tommy. When he looked back, he was calm.

"I understand why you left Tom, but I don't understand why you came back." He was silent for a moment. "She's happy." Tommy sat back down and put his face in his hands. Kwest leaned back, settling in to wait while Tommy processed his thoughts.

"I wish it could stay that way, Kwest." He looked up at his friend with a haunted look. "I wish I didn't have to be here." He said. "I've sat outside her house, her dad's house, and NBR, trying to tell myself that I could let it go, that I could go home, but I can't. I need to see her. Just for a minute." Kwest sighed, looking at Tommy. Finally he sat up.

"She's at G Major." Tommy glanced up quickly with a confused expression. "Don't ask me man; I have no idea what she is doing there. All I know is that she has been locked in the office with Darius for the last four hours." Tommy got up, turning toward the studio. Kwest stopped him by speaking again. "If you go in there, you'll cause a scene. From the hood and the dark bench in an abandoned park, I am guessing you are trying to keep a low profile. You'll ruin it if you barge in now." Tommy sat back down. He looked at Kwest, hoping he would have some idea. "She's got a show tomorrow. I saw it on the books at G Major tonight. Nothing big, just a club that local artists use to try out new things. I can get you in under an assumed name." Tommy nodded.

"I've missed you Kwest."

"Me too Tommy, me too."

Jude was pacing. She hadn't felt this nervous about performing in years. Outside the dressing room, Speid was pacing too, waiting for Jude to unlock the door. He had told the stage hand to stall, not sure how long it would take for Jude to pull herself together. Finally the door opened. Jude stepped out, looking pale, but otherwise ready.

"You look great Jude! Ready?"

"I don't know Speid; maybe we should just do the old stuff. What if they don't like my new songs?" Jude actually looked scared. Speiderman just grinned.

"Nonsense Jude, the new stuff is awesome. Besides, today marks a new day in the life of Jude, and everyone should know. Now let's get out there tear it up!" Jude gave a little smile, took a deep breath and headed down the hall. Coming out from behind the side curtain, she looked out at the audience. They were distracted and noisy, everyone drinking and laughing. It made Jude feel a little better knowing they weren't all staring at her as she sat down at her stool. She adjusted the microphone, the noise finally drawing attention to the stage, quieting the crowd. She glanced over at Spied who had taken the seat next to her. Picking up the acoustic sitting by her stool, she took one last deep breathe and faced the audience.

"Hey everyone, I'm so happy to be here." She paused to allow the applause to die down. "I'm sure you all recognize this handsome man next to me. It seems like a century ago that we were playing together, and I am so lucky he's offered to play with me tonight." Jude smiled at Speid before continuing. "I've got a few new things I've been working on, and I'd love to share them with you. This first one is called How to Write a Song. I hope you like it." With that, Jude strummed a chord on the guitar, easing into the intro for the song. Speid joined in with his guitar.

I'm playing songs for your memory  
Is this what I'm reduced to?  
Pretending I can take it back  
The day I walked away from you

In a dark corner table, near the back of the club, sat Kwest and an incognito Tommy. Despite the dim lighting, Tommy was wearing his sun glasses. He had been preoccupied with trying to make sure that no recognized him, but suddenly he couldn't look away from the blonde on stage, her hair glowing softly under the blue light. He sat listening, taking in her new song, dissecting it.

I'm caught up in this life  
Where I'm pretending to exist  
But disappearing like you did  
Is so hard to resist

Tommy fought his natural inclination to assume the song was about him. It had been a long time since he could claim to be her inspiration. Had she lost someone from her life recently? Was her mom still gallivanting around Europe with her new husband? His curiosity was piqued, and before he could stop himself, the question was out.

"Sounds like she's been abandoned, who left her?" Tommy instantly regretted it, knowing it wasn't his place to ask. He didn't want to know.

Gee, I wonder." Kwest scoffed, looking up at his friend with raised eyebrows. He was just as shocked as Tommy at Jude's melancholy tune, but it didn't take him more than two seconds to figure out what was going on.

"You're wrong Kwest; it's been two and a half years. She didn't suddenly wake up and realize I left. There has to be some other explanation." Tommy's voice held no conviction. He didn't take his eyes off the stage to look at Kwest.

"Whatever you say T." Kwest said, rolling his eyes.

The acoustic is in the corner  
And the piano gathers dust  
My music starts to fade  
As my heart begins to rust

"Why would she miss me now, after all this time?" Tommy asked, challenging Kwest's implication.

"The same reason you would randomly show up after two and a half years. Seems like a pretty big coincidence, by the way." Kwest raised his eyebrow in Tommy's direction. The man was being unnecessarily mysterious. Hard as he tried, Kwest couldn't put the pieces together. How did Tommy know exactly when to show up? How did he know something was wrong with Jude?

"My reasons for being here have nothing to do with me missing her." It was true, sort of. He missed her every day. He'd followed her professional career. He'd taken to reading tabloids on the off chance that he would see her face. But he wasn't here because he missed her. He was here because of Jamie. He was here because he loved her and couldn't stand the thought of her being left in the dark about her cheating husband. _You could have just called, sent a letter._ Truth was, he'd flown here himself because he needed to see her, to tell her in person. He'd come here because he missed her. Now, for the first time in two and half years, he wondered if she missed him to.

I wish I could remember  
How to write a song

Jude let her fingers pull away from the strings as the last note faded off. For a split second, the club seemed too quiet. She felt her cheeks flush, feeling as though she was standing naked in front of the crowd. An unfamiliar terror seized her as she wondered whether the crowd would like her song. Then the applause sounded, and she realized she had been holding her breath. She smiled, her fist genuine smile in weeks.

"You all have no idea how good it feels to be up here, singing again. It feels like it's been centuries." Jude said, standing up and readjusting the microphone. Glancing at Speid, he nodded, bending over to adjust the amplifier slightly. There was a glint in Jude's eye as she switched from her acoustic to her electric guitar. Coming back to the center of the stage, Jude looked back out at the crowd. "As time passes, sometimes we lose sight of who we are. We forget where we've been, and how we got there. Tonight I want to remember. Six years ago I was a rebellious teenager with bright red hair and a guitar. I was stubborn, independent, and a little unpredictable. Tonight I'm channeling my inner redhead."

Tommy raised his eyebrow, glancing at Kwest who just shrugged. "Maybe she's going to do some of her old stuff?" Kwest said. There was a slight pang in Tommy's chest. The old stuff held too much meaning, it made him miss her too much. He glanced back at the stage as Speid started playing. The intro wasn't one that Tommy recognized. It was heavy, both guitars blending together to create an edgy sound. The producer in Tommy could hear the spaces where the drums and the base could be placed. Looking at Kwest from the corner of his eye, he could tell that he was doing the same thing. Both of them stopped keeping time and mentally adding instruments when she opened her mouth.

I'm like that crystal

On the living room floor

I'm done breaking

Before you walk through the door

It's a hollow feeling

Being shattered into shards

We both no reconciliation

Isn't in the cards

So don't tell me that you're sorry

Don't tell me that I'm wrong

Don't tell me that Toronto

Is the place where you belong

Don't ask me to come home

Don't ask me how I know

Don't ask me to forgive you

I'll tell you where to go

Just tell me when

You stopped being honest with me

There's only one word that matters

Wouldn't you agree?

It's a four letter word

One you won't call me anymore

Take your domestic affairs

To someone else's door

And don't tell me that you're sorry

Don't tell me that I'm wrong

Don't tell me the Toronto

Is the place where you belong

Don't ask me to come home

Don't ask me how I know

Don't ask me to forgive you

I'll tell you where to go

I might be broken

But you're standing in the fire

I'm burning all our memories

On a funeral pyre

So don't ask me to come home

Don't ask me how I know

Don't ask me to forgive you

I'll tell you where to go

The crowd exploded in applause as Jude finished her song, but Kwest and Tommy didn't join in. They both sat silently, their mouth open in shock. Kwest turned to Tommy, his eyes narrowing

"Something is seriously wrong. I know you know something, spill it T." Tommy glared back at him, taking note of the accusatory tone. Jude had moved on to a song from her fourth album, caving to the excited chants of the crowd.

"It's not mine to spill Kwest, end of discussion. I don't even know if her performance is even related to my business with her, but I will find out. You said you had a plan to get me face time with her, in private?" Kwest glared. He wasn't sure how he felt about helping Tommy anymore. Not when the man was being so damn mysterious, and Jude was obviously in some sort of distress. Kwest was protective of Jude, like he was with his own sisters. In the years that he had known her, he had learned to read her moods through her songs. She was putting on a good show, but underneath the stage smile and the rock star attitude, she was oscillating between angry and lost. It wasn't a good combination. He needed to get to the bottom of this. The question was whether helping Tommy would lead to answers, or more questions. He sighed.

"Yeah, she's got a dressing room. When she finishes the set, I'll stop Speiderman by the stage to talk, and you go find her. But I'm warning you now Tommy, I want answers. I've let you call the shots thus far, but you aren't the only one who cares about that girl. I want to know what is going on." Tommy nodded almost imperceptibly at Kwest. He knew he wouldn't get out of this without giving Kwest some sort of explanation. He just wasn't sure what to tell him.

The moment Jude stepped off the stage, the feeling of elation that the performance gave her slipped away, and reality crashed back down on her. She pushed herself through the crowd, making her way toward the corridor where her dressing room was. By the time she made it to the door, she was hyperventilating. Panic and dread were squeezing the air out of her body as the realization hit her that there was no going back. She'd taken a stand, and while the crown may have been oblivious to her meaning, her husband wouldn't be. As bad as the pain had been before, it was worse now, it was real.

Jude sat, or rather collapsed, into the chair that faced the dressing room mirror. She gripped the edge of the counter and stared hard at her reflection as she tried to calm her breathing. She clenched her teeth in hopes of warding off the tears that were building behind her eyes. The time for crying was over. This first performance had been about drawing the battle lines. She had quietly launched a war that would be fought through cryptic songs and behind closed doors. Quietly she wondered if it was the best way to fight this war. It didn't matter though; it was the only way she knew how.

Just as her breathing had returned to normal, and her eyes cleared enough to clearly see how white her knuckles were from gripping the counter, there was a knock at the door.

"It's open Speid" Jude called out, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door. She heard the knob turning and didn't bother to look up as the door opened.

"Jude, we need to talk." Jude's head shot up as the door shut behind her visitor.

"Tommy?"


End file.
